When is a book not a book, and a funny way of counting pages

The United Nations's Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) has declared 49 pages to be the minimum length for a book.

A publication with fewer pages can be a leaflet, pamphlet, booklet or brochure. Call it a book, and you risk offending nearly 200 nations. (When I was in college, I rented a room from a family that called TV Guide, "the book.")

The maximum page number is determined by printing equipment and what people are willing to pay, carry and read.

Despite the UNESCO decree, no book has 49 pages. Books have an even number of pages—even if some of the pages don’t have numbers printed on them ("blind folios"). An individual piece of paper in a book is called a "leaf." Each leaf has two sides, called pages. A 100-page book contains 50 leaves. Or leafs.

Although I've attacked Outskirts Press

for claiming that its books contain 161, 163 or 225 pages, publishers probably won't be attacked by United Nations soldiers for breaking UNESCO rules.

Outskirts Press can make “books” with as few as 18 pages, the minimum from CreateSpace is 24 pages, and Lulu can do 32 pages. Most printers can produce books with as many as 800 to 1,000 pages, but books with more than 500 pages are unusual. Tolstoy’s War and Peace
 is about 1300 pages long, and some of Rowling’s Harry Potter books have over 700 pages.

(soldier photo from Life.com)

 In awe of authors

I majored in journalism in college. I've written many hundreds of articles for newspapers and magazines. I was an award-winning advertising copywriter for several years. I've written over 40 books and more are "in the oven."

For a while I kept a "clip file" of all of my published articles, and had a portfolio of my ads that I could use to impress a prospective employer.

But, after 60-plus years making money by tapping a keyboard, I no longer think writing is a big deal.

I won't say it isn't fun anymore. It is fun. usually lots of fun. One fundamental Marcus maxim is, "If it isn't fun, don't do it."

If writing wasn't fun, I wouldn't still be doing it.

When I was younger, I loved getting fan mail from people who liked my articles and reviews in Rolling Stone. Later there was lots of satisfaction when I was told how many dollars in sales my ads and websites generated. It was cool seeing people wearing T-shirts I had designed. In more recent years, I've enjoyed reading "five-star" reviews of my books on Amazon.

I still love tweaking, adjusting, massaging and reworking blogs and book pages so they sound and look just right—and I'm generally pleased with the results.

But writing a good book in 2024 just does not generate the same smiles and internal giggles as the first big cover story I wrote for High Fidelity Trade News in 1969, or getting into movies and concerts for free when I showed my Rolling Stone press ID in 1971, or getting lucky after giving a girl a stack of records I had gotten for free when I worked for Stone. (I almost got lucky when young ladies thought I was Jerry Garcia, Rob Reiner, Sonny Barger of the Hell's Angels, or Tony Dow—who played Beaver Cleaver's older brother Wally.)

Maybe the problem—if it is a problem—is that writing is much easier than it used to be, so I don't feel I am overcoming a challenge. I was fired from my job in 1970 when I had a two-week dry spell, but it's been decades since I've suffered with a severe case of "writer's block."

Maybe simply getting older—and accumulating more experiences—makes it easier to write.

At age 78, I can write about almost anything.

I had a demented high school English teacher (she's in Stories I'd Tell My Children (but maybe not until they're adults) who made surprise attacks on our class. One day she commanded us to "write 500 words about tobogganing." Another time she wanted 500 words about "How Capri pants are the downfall of western civilization."

I hated the evil idiot, but she provided good preparation for later on when my paycheck depended on my being able to write about things I knew absolutely nothing about.

I know a lot about electronics. My first job after college was as the assistant editor of a magazine that went to hi-fi equipment dealers. I sometimes filled in at other mags that the company published, dealing with health foods and art supplies. Later on, I worked for several advertising agencies. I was hired because I could write about hi-fi equipment, but I kept my job because I could also write about computers, light switches, motor oil, food, floor tile, wristwatches and bathing suits.

Getting published is infinitely easier now than when I was younger. Years ago, if I had a brilliant idea for an article or book, I had to query editors and publishers to try to ignite their enthusiasm.

Today, if I have something to say, I write a book and publish it myself, or post something on one of my blogs, or comment on someone else's blog, or on Facebook, or start a new blog or website. It's infinitely easier than pitching an article to an editor or convincing investors to put money into a new magazine.

Those of us in the book biz know how easy it is to publish now. But many “civilians” are still in awe of authors.

I was reminded of this about 20 years ago when I was at a Sunday brunch meeting of about 25 members of a burial society that I’ve inherited membership in.

Although I’d theoretically been a member since birth, that day was the first time that a meeting was held close enough for me to conveniently attend. I was surrounded by relatives I am scheduled to spend eternity with—but I had never met any of them before.

During the meeting, someone was speaking about a milestone in family history about 100 years earlier, and I casually mentioned that I had written about the incident in one of my books.

I was surprised by the response. Some people were in awe! Someone said, “Oh, you wrote a book!” and there was at least one “Wow.” People asked the name, the subject and where they could buy it.

I answered the questions quickly and politely. I didn’t want to hijack the meeting and turn it into a book promo event.

My extended family (mostly sophisticated New Yorkers) thought that meeting a writer is unusual.

I certainly don’t think writing is unusual or that writers are unusual (well, maybe a little unusual). I spend a lot of my online and offline time communicating with writers, editors, designers and publishers. My close relatives and neighbors and employees know that I write and publish, and they are not impressed.

I know how easy it is to get published; but to this group of strangers--who share some of my genes and will share a final address—it was a big deal. I’m certainly not a celebrity like Elvis, JFK or Shakespeare, but some of these folks seemed to be a bit excited to be related to an author and maybe even to be buried near one.

It made me feel good. Not as good as getting laid because I was an editor at Rolling Stone—but nevertheless, good.

Magicians don’t explain their best tricks. Maybe we shouldn’t reveal how easy it has become to publish books and have them sold by Amazon, B&N and other booksellers.

You're not stuck with stock photos,
or any photos

Stock photos—from such sources as Fotolia, iStockPhoto, Adobe, Getty and ShutterStock, and found within and linked from MS Word—are an excellent alternative to expensive custom photography for book covers and interior pages.

Millions of photos and illustrations are available from skilled pros and amateurs for a tiny fraction of the cost of hiring a photographer and models and renting a shooting location and paying for travel and food.

Prices range from FREE to a laughable 14 cents to about a hundred bucks, depending on size, resolution, and what the photographer feels like charging. I paid $60 for one cover shot, but most of my pix cost $4 or $6 each.

Unlike some "stock photo house" policies, you are buying a license for nearly unlimited use. You don't pay more money based on the readership/viewership of your media, or the purpose of your project. All the files available on Fotolia are royalty-free, meaning they can be used with no limits on time, number of copies, or geographical location.

About the only limitations are that you can't put any person in a photo in a bad light or in porn or a violent situation or use a photo to support a political party or religious organization.

One other possible limitation is that despite a nearly endless selection from Fotolia and its competitors, you may not find a photo that's exactly right for you.

That's where someone skilled with Adobe Photoshop can remake a stock photo into a custom photo.

The photo in the book cover at the top was nearly perfect, except for a generation gap. I needed a picture of a father speaking to a child, but the original man (in inset on the right) was obviously old enough to be a grandfather, or even a great grandfather.

Carina, my ace cover artist, gave him a hair transplant, eliminating the effect of decades.

In the second row, Carina doctored my 1971 wedding picture, to remove my wife, clone some hair onto the right side of my head, and remove a reddish cast from the photo.

In the bottom photo, Carina removed a cluttered background, straightened out my tilted head, and removed my right hand that looked like the deformed appendage of a Thalidomide baby. In the future I may ask her to give me more hair and darker hair, remove the wrinkles and change my eyeglass style.

Carina is too busy to work for others right now so I won't tell you how to find her, but you should be able to find a suitable substitute.

Review your reviews

Every writer likes to get good reviews

and hates to get bad ones.

Most published reviews are positive, and that's nice.

Some negative reviews are written by people who are clueless, vindictive, or have not even read the book they are condemning. If you write a book, it's important that you regularly check for reviews. Good reviews should be used to promote your book. Unjustified bad reviews have to be dealt with.

Years ago, I discovered a review of one of my books on Amazon. It gave me the minimum one-star ranking and said my book must be terrible because it did not have a "Search inside the book" feature. There were a few other meaningless complaints which revealed that the reviewer had never read the book. I assume the review was from a writer I slammed on this blog. (I don't put negative reviews on Amazon to minimize the chance of a flame war or pissing match.)

I complained to Amazon, and the review was deleted within a few minutes.

Another time, I was criticized because the typeface I used was allegedly too big. I responded that the 12-pt type I used is the size specified by the U.S. Supreme Court to insure readability of court documents.

And another time, one of my books was criticized for being out of date. I responded that the reviewer bought the wrong book, and should have bought the replacement book. I even offered to provide a freebie.

Set up Google alerts for your name and your book titles. You'll get automatic notifications so you'll know what's being said about you and can respond appropriately.

The year is almost over. But it's not too late for tax tips. 

Writers and other members of the media can often get away with business tax deductions that ordinary people can’t get away with.

The author has been making his living as part of the media since 1969. His income tax returns have never been audited and his deductions have never been denied. He is not worried if this blog posting attracts the attention of the Feds.

​In order to maximize the money you keep, obviously you must maximize the money you make. You must also maximize the income tax deductions you take—but don’t be greedy or stupid about it.

​Every piece of media you consume—and the equipment and services that go with the media—should be deducted in the range of 25% to 100%. Deduct movies, CDs, music downloads, games, concerts, artwork, vacations, pay-per-views, MP3 players, big TVs, little TVs, iPad, smart phone, books, magazines, newspapers, cameras, subscriptions to Spotify, TiVo and Sirius/XM, museum visits. . . all the stuff that helps you stay aware of news and culture.

​If you are an author or a journalist, the key to creative tax avoidance is to write about things you like, whether it’s wine, sports cars, clothes, travel, cameras, horse racing or sex. Then you can deduct everything you spend on fun—if you classify it as “research.”​

1. If you like to travel, write about travel, and then deduct the cost of traveling.
2. If you like cars, rent some really cool cars, and write about them.
3. If you like to eat—and who doesn’t?—go to lots of restaurants, attend cooking schools, stock your pantry, and write about food.
4. If you smoke, write about pipes, cigars, vaping, tobacco, hashish or marijuana—and deduct the cost of your research. A trip to a cigar factory, a bong or nickel bag can be as important to your writing career as Microsoft Word.
5. If you like sex, deduct the cost of sex toys, enhancement drugs, porn, trips to Bangkok or Nevada, hookers or gigolos—and write about them.
6. If you like building things, buy lumber, hardware, tools and paint, write about building, and deduct the cost of your research materials.
7. If you like to sew or knit, write about craft and deduct the cost of your fabric, patterns thread, yarn, trim, buttons and zippers.
8. If you like to take pictures or paint pictures, write about art and deduct the cost of your equipment and supplies—even software.

Be sensible. If your writing specialty is the Peloponnesian War or pizza, the IRS probably will look askance at a deduction for learning how to ride a horse. If you want to deduct the cost of those lessons, write about horses.

​​

No matter what you write about, deduct the cost of your computer, fax machine, Internet access, e-readers, books, magazines and newspapers.

In addition to tax deductions, this book covers a wide range of business topics of importance to writers, including record keeping, hiring an accountant, retirement funding, starting and running a company, profitability, licensing, getting help and dealing with a tax audit.

https://www.amazon.com/Writers-Apparently-Deductions-Ordinary-Publishing-ebook/dp/B00AP487TM?

You can sell the same words more than once.

When I was in Mrs. McGarthy's class in fifth grade in New Haven, Connecticut, each student had to choose an American president to write a report on. I don't remember why, but I picked James Buchanan. It may have been because I was a stamp collector and had a "plate block" of three-cent stamps showing Buchanan's home, Wheatland, which was issued in 1954.

Buchanan was the 15th president, serving from 1857–1861, right before Lincoln. I don't remember much more about him. He was the only president from Pennsylvania and the only non-married president.

Buchanan's significance to me greatly outweighs my knowledge of him, because that report became the source of a valuable lesson that has served me well for over sixty years: You can sell the same words more than once.

When I was a school kid, I wasn't selling words for money as I did later, but I did have to convince my teachers of the value of my words to get good marks, so the processes were related. Then and now, it's good to maximum results and minimize effort.

The Buchanan report I wrote for fifth grade was subsequently improved, modified and lengthened and submitted to my teachers in sixth, seventh and ninth grade, plus my junior year in high school, and for an American Studies course in college.

I also wrote a report on Warren Harding and used it in two classes. I think my brother recycled it, too.

Ironically, U. S. News & World Report ranks Buchanan as the worst president ("He refused to challenge either the spread of slavery or the growing bloc of states that became the Confederacy.") and Harding as second-worst ("He was an ineffectual and indecisive leader who played poker while his friends plundered the U.S. treasury."). Was there a subconscious pattern to my picking?

After college, as a freelance writer, I often sold variations of the same article to multiple magazines with different audiences, such as Rolling Stone and Country Music, or Esquire and Ingénue.

It works the same way with books.

Years ago, I published Become a Real Self-Publisher: don't be a victim of a vanity press, which was written for people who don’t use self-publishing companies. I later published a spinoff--aimed at writers who do use self-publishing companies, called Get the Most out of a Self-Publishing Company: Make a better deal. Make a better book. I also updated the original book as Independent Self-Publishing: the complete guide. Later came another spinoff, Brainy Beginner's Guide to Self-Publishing, aimed at writers who are unsure of their path to publication. Parts of the first book were also used in my Stupid, Sloppy, Sleazy book about Outskirts Press.

All of those books include material originally posted on my blogs, and some material written for my books eventually shows up on my blogs.

Look at what you've already written and figure out how you can recycle, reuse, repurpose, revise, sequelize and serialize.

My first book about phone equipment has had FOUR spinoffs, and more may be coming (if I get in the mood).

My funny memoir has had four spinoffs—so far.

A book I wrote about religion has been spun three times, and at least two more spinoffs are "in the oven."

SPECIAL SALES

Many thousands of books reach readers without booksellers. They are distributed—sometimes for free—by entities that want information or opinions circulated. These “special sales” can generate high profits, with no risk of returns.

A book you’ve already written may be perfect for use by an association, corporation, government, charity, foundation, university or a political party. Perhaps a book you’ve written needs just slight changes and perhaps a new title and cover to become perfect. Maybe information in your book is fine, but the book needs a new point of view or emphasis. Make a deal.

(Buchanan portrait is public domain, from the White House)

It's time to abolish the term "published author."
It's easier to become a published author than a Cub Scout.

A great many years ago I was a Cub Scout. I have four memories of scouting:

(1) At one meeting some of us stood behind cardboard 'rocks' and held up a flag to re-enact the WW2 Iwo Jima flag-raising scene.

(2) At another meeting my father won a prize for bending some pipe cleaners into a horse and cart.

(3) In around third grade, our Cub Scout troop had a fund-raising project. Three of us went door-to-door to earn money by performing odd jobs. At one home, Larry asked a housewife, “Do you have any chores to do?”—not “Are there any chores that we can do?” Larry made it seem like he was conducting a survey, not trying to raise money, and we were not hired.  This sinful sentence was spoken more than 70 years ago but so hurt my ears that I have not forgotten the sin nor forgiven the sinner. At the next house, Billy made the proper sales pitch, and we earned ten bucks.

(4) The lowest rank in Cub Scouting is Bobcat. Every Cub starts as a Bobcat. You can't be a Cub Scout and not be at least a Bobcat. A Bobcat is lower than a Wolf or a Bear. A Bobcat doesn't have to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, build a crystal radio, bandage a wound, walk on snowshoes or help an old lady cross the street. To be a Bobcat a kid has to learn and say the Cub Scout motto, promise and the Law of the Pack—and tell what they mean; show the Cub Scout sign, salute and handshake—and tell what they mean; and show that he understands and believes that it is important to be honest and trustworthy.

Since those requirements were so basic, (if I remember correctly) we were not allowed to wear our Bobcat pins on our spiffy new uniforms.

I thought of that recently when I was reading an introduction from a new member of an online group for authors.

The newbie said, "I am a published author."

I wanted to say, "BIG FUCKING DEAL!"

At one time being a published author implied that either:

• A person wrote something so important or wonderful that a publisher paid to publish the book.
• A person is so famous (like Levi Johnston, the almost-son-in-law of Sarah Palin) that a publisher paid to publish the book.
• A person is egotistical and wealthy enough to pay thousands of dollars to a vanity press to publish the book.

Today, it takes almost no skill, time or money to become a published author.

• If you can click a keyboard and move a mouse, you can be a published author.
• The cost can be ZERO.
• You don't have to impress anyone.
• You can be a terrible writer and still be a published author.
• It doesn't matter if nobody reads your book.
• It's easier to become an author than to become a Bobcat.
• You don't even have to learn to salute or promise to follow Akela.

Since it is so easy to become a published author, it means nothing to say you are one.

(By the way, it means almost nothing to say you're a bestselling author—but I'm one.)

Should you provide inscriptions and autographs? Do you know the difference? How can you sign an ebook?

I personally have never been an autograph collector, but I do have a few autographed books on my shelves which I got by accident. Lots of people like autographs, apparently to prove or imply that they were once in the same place as a famous person. If readers put you in the same category as Mickey Mantle, Marilyn Monroe or John Lennon, play along with it—no matter how much your wrist hurts.

If you are selling your books from your own website, competing with other booksellers that underprice you, you may be able to justify your price by including your signature and maybe an inscription.

Autographs (just your name) and inscriptions (a comment plus your name) can go on the flyleaf (a thicker-than-normal blank right page just inside the front cover in a hardcover book) or on the half title ("bastard title") or title page; so always leave adequate “white space” up front.

I've never done a formal signing, but I do sell (and sometimes give) books with inscriptions. I try to write something that relates to the book and/or the recipient. For my books on telecommunications, I often write "I hope you never get a wrong number." When a humorous book goes to a doctor, I write "laughter is the best medicine." When my memoir goes to people I know nothing about, I often write "It's never too late to have a happy childhood." Long inscriptions are probably wrong if you have 200 people lined up in a bookstore but are fine if you are sending out one or two copies with no time pressure.

While you can't sign ebooks, you can fake it—with a generic message and text signature. 

Here's some good advice about book signings from publishing expert Dick Margulis:

1. Find a black-ink pen that you really like to write with. It should not be such a fine point that you risk snagging on the surface of the paper and ripping it. It should not be an ink that bleeds through the page. It should allow for a smooth, fluid, comfortable motion with little pressure. Buy a box of them. (Note from Michael: I like Sarasa 0.7 and Pilot Precise V7 pens.)
2. You do not need to use your real, legal signature. Devise a brief, casual signature (just your first name is usually fine, and legibility is not necessary) that you can turn out consistently and quickly while looking at the person for whom you are signing (rather than at the page). Bigger is better than smaller. Practice until it's comfortable.
3. Keep your wrist straight (to prevent injury). Move your arm from your shoulder, not from your elbow (larger muscles in your upper arm than in your forearm).
4. Warm up beforehand. Stand up. Do whatever stretches and rotations you would normally do to relax your neck and shoulders. Let your arms hang loosely for your shoulders and wiggle them, paying particular attention to keeping your hands loose.
5. Take breaks. Stand up and shake out your arms again.
6. After the session, go to your hotel room and ice your elbow and shoulder for twenty minutes before you agree to meet anyone for dinner.
7. If only five people show up, ignore everything above, because it's overkill in that situation.

(Back to Michael:) any time you sign or send a book, stick in three to six business cards that show the book cover and "at Amazon and B&N" or your website address if you

prefer to sell directly. Make it easy for happy customers to recommend the book to others. While some of the cards may be used as bookmarks, crumb sweepers or be thrown away, I assume that some will be passed on to potential purchasers.

I get my cards from VistaPrint, a major maker of business cards and other printed products for businesses which I've been buying from for many years. For the card shown here, I uploaded a TIF image copied from the PDF of my cover. The book is 6 x 9 inches and fits fine on the business card with a little white space above and below the cover image for promotional copy.

The price was just $25 for 1500 cards—less than two cents each with rush shipping. If you spend a little more, you can have VistaPrint use the space on the back to print some blurbs from readers or reviewers who like the book.

My wife and I carry the cards around to give to possible "customers." Marilyn has turned out to be an excellent salesperson. She motivated our dentist to order a copy from Amazon and I signed it for him when I had my teeth cleaned. My podiatrist, however, asked for a freebie. I gave it to him and he displays it in his office. So does my urologist. Nice.

(Gingrich photo from WashingtonPost.com. Thanks.)